Be Bold, Be Beautiful, Be Brave

Recently, I had taken some of my 4-H members to a clinic/contest at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville for livestock judging. During the contest, I was sitting and working on some stuff for my graduate school classes and talking with some of the parents. While talking to them, I said something that was a little self-demeaning.

What? I know it. I put myself down. Why? Because it is still a reflex. Years of having people put me down has it still ingrained in me that if I say it first then they won't probably say it because I took that power away. Right? Well, I thought so.

One of the parents who went with us made a comment on it to me. She told me that the things I put myself down for are not the things that people even notice when they meet me. She told me that when she first met me that she was glad I was going to be her daughter's livestock judging coach. She told me that I was bold, that I was beautiful, and that I needed to realize that. She said that it comes with time, but that I needed to remind myself every day of three things that I am good at and manifest it.

She made me realize in that moment that I thought I'd moved past a habit that I hadn't. She told me about how she puts these little red dots everywhere to remind herself that when she sees the color red that she is bold, brave, and beautiful. She told me that it helped her get through some hard times, and it something she instills in her daughter. Wow.

After that conversation, I was shook to my core a little, okay, a lot. I was majorly shaken. My parents get on to me about self depreciation all the time, but I didn't realize the rest of the world was noticing what I was doing as well. Since then, I've been making it a point to be more positive in how I speak about myself outside of academics or attributes that is hard to bring myself down about.

About two weeks before that, I had a friend tell me that I was naturally pretty and that's why I shouldn't have to worry about make-up even though I don't wear any anyways (with the exception of my collection of LipSense colors). I was taken aback. I just accepted a long time ago that I looked the way I looked and moved on, so it was weird hearing someone compliment it. It shouldn't be weird if I'm as confident in myself as I like to think that I am.

Confidence is a trait that has had to grow with me as I've grown as the person I am today. If you went back and told the me I was six years ago what I would be doing with my life and the habits and hobbies I've developed, I'd have thought you were crazy. I was definitely more confident than I had been prior to that in my high school career, but I didn't know that I still had a distance to go after I graduated. I've had some people say that I'm almost a different person (in a good way, I think). I've really grown in my confidence of my abilities and decisions, but I've still got so far to go.

I've really got to go that distance if I'm to be an even bigger role model and example for everyone I encounter -- especially the young people I encounter regularly. My life revolves around teaching in some manner, and I want to make sure I set the example that they can do anything they put their mind to -- but I've got to believe and do that myself.

Taking my own advice is hard, but in this moment, I know it's something I need to not be afraid of. I can be successful. I can be bold. I can be beautiful. I can be brave. Shoot. I already am. I've just to make it even more manifest in every decision I make and choose. I've got to find my version of the red dots to remind me everywhere I look.

I have to forge my path of becoming that person. I'm not saying it's going to be easy or happen overnight. I'm saying it is part of my goal for this year. I challenge everyone who reads this to find their three things and make them manifest this year. Work towards them. I believe in you.