Life Before & During? After? Social Distancing (Quarantine?)

I've spent several minutes trying to come up with a title that completely encompassed how I was feeling about this post. I wanted to make sure that whatever I had to say was reflected, but just like how this time has felt -- the title feels uncertain (and honestly might change a few more times before I publish this post).

As most people know, in mid-March of this year the state of Tennessee had issued a suggestion about people staying home/social distancing to help with the onset of this dreadful virus. During this time, I was trying to personally figure out how my life was going to transition to being more at home instead of me going all the time to places. I already knew that 4-H was being moved to no longer meeting in person. I knew that school was going to be out through the end of the month. I knew that I was going to do my best to try and limit the outings I had. What I didn't know was that what was going to be a couple of weeks would turn into two and a half months later of the same thing.

At the beginning of March, I went to Knoxville with my livestock judging team. I spent the afternoon running around Kingston Pike and a few other side roads going to all of my favorite places and shopping - actual and window -- as a way to just spend the day doing something I enjoyed. I didn't know that I should've stocked up more on Trader Joe's snacks and yummy foods and buy up some more graphic novels from Nirvana Comics. I didn't know that that was going to be the last time I was seeing my livestock judging team in person for a while. I didn't know that in a week and a half my life was going to be changing. I didn't realize that was going to be my last trip to Knoxville for the foreseeable future.

The most drastic change that happened was when my school system moved to teaching from a distance using an online platform -- that was new to both the students and us. I knew that I was going to do my best to succeed for my students and myself during this uncertain time. I knew that I was going to miss them. I just didn't realize how much I was going to miss their smiling and unsmiling faces during this time. I didn't know that I was going to miss being in my classroom all the time. I love teaching, but the part of teaching I love most is the relationship and rapport I build with my students. I missed them and still miss them. I prayed every day that they would have food and safety at home. I prayed that they were receiving all of the necessities needed to survive. I prayed that the reason I wasn't hearing back from them is because they were busy playing video games or working. I prayed that those who were working were using proper PPE when dealing with the people in the public. I also prayed for myself that I wouldn't become callus during this time and would remain compassionate towards them and their uncertainty. I knew that their world was being turned upside down just as much as mine was.

During this, I also realized that my personal routines were all changing. I'm a creature of habit, and I thrive when my habits and routines are all working the way I set them up to be. I was not thriving the way I needed to after staying at home consistently. I could feel myself slipping into my anxiety and depression easier and dwelling on the small things more than I ever should. I wasn't taking my medicine the way I should, I wasn't taking care of myself the way I should, and I definitely was not doing the most I could to stay on task for those things. My morning routine used to be: wake up, teach VIPKID, get dressed, take my medicine, meditate, leave, get breakfast (Sonic, folks), and go to school. I've been doing the first two. I've been slipping on my meditation, and I definitely haven't been taking my allergy medicine the way I should (so, hello, runny nose, folks). I've spent more days in my pajamas with a sweatshirt overtop than I can count OR I've changed into a different shirt to where it doesn't look like I'm still wearing my pajama bottoms. I eat breakfast, but sometimes it's been after I've gone back to sleep after teaching with VIPKID. I've been sleeping so much more. I've been slacking on keeping that regular sleep routine going.

The one constant, amongst all that insanity mentioned above, is that I had a school schedule to keep of meetings. I had my livestock judging club meeting virtually to discuss upcoming events and relevant topics. I knew I still needed to get my allergy shots each week and to go to the chiropractor at least once a week. I worked on narrowing down my outings to one day a week to where I leave, do the things, and then come back home. Thankfully, my therapist was also able to have phone sessions where I could continue on my journey working on my mental health. Those weekly sessions have kept me going.

I say all that to say this: I even tried to change my scenery for some of the things I was doing. I went out to my church and sat under the picnic shelter to work on school work and talk to my therapist on the phone. I would take a book to read and just spend time outside reading. I even spent one afternoon just driving around because I needed to get out of the house. Being inside constantly or being at the same location was driving me a bit bonkers. I could feel myself slipping, and I worked on changing things up a bit to see if it helped.

Back to my routines, though, I guess you could say I had developed a different routine during all of it -- a routine that was working its way towards my own self-destruction if I had let it. I'm working now on setting up some new daily routines. It is definitely a work in progress. I've even tried to block out times on a Google calendar -- that my Google home is connected to so it can tell me all the things. I'm working on trying to spend more time writing and reading -- which I've been slacking on recently. I'm working on setting aside the time to just go and walk and exercise to where I feel better about myself instead of just sitting around and not really doing much of anything (if I'm being completely honest with myself). I never appreciated all the hard work I'd first put in to set up the habits and routines I had until I saw how easy it was for them to all fall away. It was a gradual fall, but it happened before I knew it. Now, gradually, I'm going to build up a routine system that works for me -- and that I plan to carry on over into the fall when school starts back as well.

The only thing that I can feel that never really changed were the people I talked to regularly. I never was one to spend a lot of time with people. I do most things on my own. I still text the same people and talk on the phone to the same ones. I have added where I started a weekly book club that has turned into spending time talking with Sarah and John who live in Greeneville. I love our talks on Tuesdays about the books we're currently reading (which holds me accountable for my goal to read 100 books this year -- which I've read 37 at the time of this writing) and whatever else crosses our minds. There seems to be a large number of people who are upset due to the lack of interaction with people, but I'm honestly doing really well with communicating with people with how I had been, to begin with. As an introvert, this is the time that I've been recharging my social battery. I would like to spend time in person with my three friends, but I also know that I'm okay with just spending this time alone as well (reminder: there is a difference between being alone and lonely -- I am comfortable being alone not lonely).

Social distancing has brought to light many things for me as well. This is the longest I've ever gone without spending Sunday morning at church. I've been worshipping at home with my parents, but I do miss worshipping with people of like mind. I can, though, wait until it is completely safe to do so. I can wait until the numbers of cases are not as much each day. Why do I say this? My grandparents are heart patients, and I am limiting any interactions I have to make sure I don't give the virus to them -- especially if I have it and am asymptomatic. Another thing that social distancing has brought to light is how I can clearly live without Sonic, Taco Bell, and Zaxbys on the regular. BUT, I have been through the drive-thru a few times recently. The people working at these establishments are being safe, and I am too.

Spending all this time with, honestly, more idle time than I had had in a long time, I decided to see what I would like to do to help pass my time. I decided to apply to graduate school, again, for my Specialist in Education (EdS) for Elementary Education and to add the endorsement for teaching English as a Second Language. As of the time writing this, I haven't heard back as to whether I have been accepted or not. I also decided to pick up a new hobby -- I decided I was going to buy a new planner that starts in July and my teacher planner for next year. I also decided I was going to become one of those people who decorates them each week with functional stickers and kits and the whole pizzazz. Thankfully, though, I decided all of this AFTER I deep cleaned my bedroom, so now I have room for all of these goodies. Since then, I have spent more time watching YouTube videos for inspiration and have bought so many stickers (while also paying off my credit cards simultaneously, because I am on track to get out of credit card debt soon). I've spent hours and hours watching videos.

Clearly, though, I was neglecting my other hobbies during this time of deciding I was going to add one. Like I stated earlier, I decided to use my Google Calendar and have scheduled out when I can watch videos and plan and all that good stuff. I do so much better with a schedule, and on day two of following it so far (at the time of writing this), I can say it is definitely a work in progress.

I say all of this to say this: this weird time has affected everybody differently. We're all experiencing this in our own unique way. We're all struggling with something -- even if we don't want to admit it. We're here at the end of May and don't really know what the future holds. I do know, though, that June might begin to look a little different for me due to having yearly appointments I had made in advance for June, but I do know that it's going to look the same in several cases as well.

Folks, I hope that your social distancing/quarantining experience has been more of a positive experience than a negative one. Let's continue to fight the good fight and do what we can to slow the spread and lower our own chances of catching it.